jamesfinngarner

Episode #1: “Dealing from the Bottom”

The saga of Rex Koko, Private Clown begins as he is awakened from his hungover stupor in a haystack by trapeze artist Reynaldo Carlozo.  The haughty Carlozo gets Rex to join him in some painful calisthenics as he makes him an offer to track down his wayward wife. Brought to you by Suddsy Soap, the CLLEEEAANNN soap in the handy paste. Click below to listen, or download the MP3 here. You can also subscribe at iTunes, Pocket Casts or Stitcher.  

Continue Reading

Episode #2: “Strip Poker”

Before he stars on his new case, Rex Koko realizes that he’s overdue to get clean and presentable again, and goes in search of a nice boil-up.  He chooses as his destination for this the cooch joint known as the Club Bimbo, run by his old friend and former lover, Lotta Mudflaps. At this early hour, there’s no floor show, but Rex catches Lotta as she discusses business with a dapper old gentleman. Later, Lotta and Rex recount old stories, as he prepares to re-emerge into the not-so-polite society of Top Town. Brought to you by Doctor’s Cigarettes. They’re roasted,…

Continue Reading

Episode #3: “Shoot the Moon”

Rex gets more dirt on Boots Carlozo from Lotta.  On his way to follow Boots’ trail, he runs into Missouri Redd, one of the gang of vicious bastard roustabouts, the Redd Brothers.  After tangling with Missouri, Rex’s newly cleaned duds have some embarrassing stains.  (Tip: Always be careful when walking by the windows of the Monkey Hostel.)  Berndt Bork, the Human Howitzer, answers questions about his brief time with Boots, and as Rex watches, meets a grisly end while practicing his human cannonball routine. Brought to you by Shakespeare Lard. All’s well that ends well, when you cook dessert with…

Continue Reading

Episode #4: “Poker Face”

After the murder of Berndt Bork, Rex needs to find his client and establish an alibi.  To find Carlozo, Rex heads for Jimmy’s Hi-Wire, the bar that caters to aerialists, wire walkers and trapeze artists.  There he meets unctuous Jimmy Plummett, the owner.  As he’s about to be tossed out, Rex tells the crowd that a flyer — one of their own! — has been murdered.  Instead of waiting to learn the details, the superstitious group throws him out even faster. Brought to you by Radiumint Toothpaste, with real radium! For a smile as bright as your watch dial at…

Continue Reading

Episode #5: “Jokers Wild”

After being tossed from Jimmy’s Hi-Wire, Rex runs into his old pal and partner in mayhem, Bingo.  Rex decides he needs an alibi, so they head off to hoist a few at the clown bar in town , the Banana Peel.  There he meets a menacing figure from his past, who insists that Rex owes him money.  This confrontation is all it takes to spark the clowns into a fight, a glorious, giggling, prop-strewn catastrophe that once again destroys the interior of the bar. Brought to you by Proctor’s Little Brown Pills. For more pep, better digestion, looser joints, a…

Continue Reading

Episode #6: “Up the Ante”

Recovering from the clown blow-out at the Banana Peel, Rex is surprised by the appearance of his client, Reynaldo Carlozo.  Rex is still none too happy about being tossed bodily out of the aerialists’ bar and his client’s lack of help.  He tries to quit the case, but Carlozo shoves $100 into his hand and insists he remain on the job. Brought to you by Sax Socks. With tux or slacks, wear Sax! Click below to listen, or download the MP3 here. You can also subscribe at iTunes, Pocket Casts or Stitcher.  

Continue Reading

Episode #7: “Big Dog, Little Dog”

Outside the Banana Peel, Rex is hassled by two policemen over the death of Berndt Bork and the damage done to Mayor Brody’s car.  One of these bulls is Detective Pinky Piscopink, a tenacious, sadistic midget who will become the bane of Rex’s existence.  After the interview, the cops warn Rex not to leave Top Town, but really, where the hell else would he go now? Brought to you by Jonah’s Bounty. Made with real cod, cod by-products and cod-related material, a bowl of Jonah’s Bounty Cereal in the morning is like a breath of fresh sea air. Click below…

Continue Reading

Episode #8: “Follow the Queen”

Getting roughed up by the police — especially the midget Pinky Piscopink — starts a new fire in Rex to solve his case and bring in Boots Carlozo.  He visits Boots’ last known lover, Flying Fleming, who is none too happy to see Rex.  Fleming prepares his act for the evening, a high-dive into a shallow basin of water.  In front of Rex and his assembled audience, Fleming’s platform breaks, and the daredevil falls earthward to his death.  Was it an accident, or murder? Brought to you by Robillard’s Shrimp Sticks. It’s shrimp on a stick — What could be handier? Click…

Continue Reading

Episode #9: “Marked Cards”

After the fall that killed Flying Fleming, Rex sneaks back to Fleming’s shack to look for clues.  He finds something that shows Carlozo knew the other dead daredevils better than he has let on.  Boots Carlozo, who had bolted from the shack after the fall, is nowhere to be found on the busy streets of Top Town.  Before giving up for the night, Rex sets up a meeting with Carlozo the next morning. Brought to you by Stanley’s Sandwich Sodas. In Pastrami, Chicken Salad and Bubbly BLT flavors — It’s the lunch you drink! Click below to listen, or download the…

Continue Reading

Episode #10: “Read ’em and Weep”

On the way to breakfast at the Pie Car, Rex sees the newspaper stories about the death of Berndt Bork.  Later at the diner, his meal is interrupted by Fugitive of the Hour, Boots Carlozo.  Their angry confrontation cools a little as they try and sort out the pieces of the deadly previous day. Brought to you by the Hindenberk Car Company. For the finest German engineering, with absolutely no flammable gases or lighter-than-air vehicles. Oh the humanity…that will enjoy our smooth ride. Click below to listen, or download the MP3 here. You can also subscribe at iTunes, Pocket Casts…

Continue Reading

Episode #11: “Calling the Bluff”

On his way to meet his client, Rex is interrupted by Mayor Eugene X. Brody and his entourage. Brody is dragging newspaper reporters around Top Town with him, trying to explain away his embarrassing presence in the ghetto’s cathouses the day before. Once he escapes from this group, Rex finds that Carlozo has stood him up for their meeting, but a couple of other playmates have come to pass the time. Brought to you by Carbon Gum. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever tasted, believe us. Click below to listen, or download the MP3 here. You can also subscribe at iTunes,…

Continue Reading

Episode #12: “California Lowball”

Those ginger-headed bastards, the Redd Brothers, have ambushed Rex in an abandoned blacksmith shop. The fight is interrupted by Detective Pinky Piscopink, who sends Missouri Redd and Maine Redd packing. Piscopink tries to get Rex to admit to the recent killings, but Rex is more determined than ever to solve the case, just to spite “Javert Junior”. A search of Berndt Bork’s shack turns up another piece of evidence connecting the two killings with his client. Brought to you by Genghis Khan Hair Tonic, The Barbarian’s Choice! Click below to listen, or download the MP3 here. You can also subscribe…

Continue Reading

Episode #13: “Cutthroat”

Rex plays a sticky prank on Jimmy Plummett at the Hi-Wire. Jimmy gives him more flap on why Boots Carlozo is a “Black Widow”, then watches as someone dear to him gets assaulted and dragged by the throat into a nearby alley. Brought to you by Schtuppenfuss Beer. It’s the first beer of the morning. Wake up to Schtuppenfuss. Click below to listen, or download the MP3 here. You can also subscribe at iTunes, PocketCast or Stitcher.

Continue Reading

Episode #14: “Texas Hold ‘Em”

Rex and Jimmy Plummett try to rescue Reynaldo Carlozo from the attacker who is choking him in the alley. Rex pins the assailant down, then watches Carlozo run away. The attacker has family connections to other unsavory characters in the story. Rex and Jimmy end up at the Hi-Wire, and Jimmy tells Rex he can get answers to his questions about the murders by going to a certain high-stakes poker game. Brought to you by Lazy River, the  gentle sleep aid and laxative in one. To wake up refreshed in a hurry, try the reeeee-laxative, Lazy River. Click below to listen,…

Continue Reading

Episode #15: “Suicide King”

Rex tries to sort through his loose ends with Hobie Hoobler, the old blind newsie, but comes up with nanty as to who is killing the aerialists of Top Town. Our heroic bigshoe is forced to throw himself head first into some dangerous company to shake loose new clues. Brought to you by Shakespeare Lard. It’s what made the Wives of Windsor Merrie! Try the Bard’s Lard: Shakespeare Lard. Click below to listen, or download the MP3 here. You can also subscribe at iTunes, Pocket Casts or Stitcher.

Continue Reading

Episode #16: “The Wild Widow”

On his way to the poker game, Rex is attacked in an alley by Boots Carlozo, who wrestles him, claws his face, and then passes out inexplicably. He takes her to one place he thinks she’ll be safe: The Club Bimbo. However, the club’s imposing owner Lotta Mudflaps is not in any mood to take in strays. Brought to you by Triple Crown Gelatin, the Thoroughbred of Desserts! Click below to listen, or download the MP3 here. You can also subscribe at iTunes, Pocket Casts or Stitcher.

Continue Reading

Chapter #17: “Betting Against the House”

The poker game run by Slats Kriehbel, the Armless Wonder, is high stakes and dangerous. It was also a place frequented by both Berndt Bork and Flying Fleming, both now dead. Rex sneaks past the guards and, using money he stole from Lotta, gets himself a place at the table to gather dirt on the two murdered flyers. His curiosity — and his uncanny luck at poker —  are not appreciated by the management. Brought to you by Sink Bomb! Civilization’s last hope against germs and odor! Sometimes you have to wreck your kitchen in order to clean it. Do…

Continue Reading

Episode #18: “Tip of the Hand”

After his escape from Kriehbel’s poker game, Rex runs back to the Club Bimbo to return the money he “borrowed” from Lotta. When she catches him in the act, we learn about her own gambling problems. What’s worse, Boots Carlozo has been abducted from the club by the Redd Brothers, and Rex finally figures out who is behind all the killings. Brought to you by Zsu Zsu’s Muuuus. If your wardrobe is only so-so, Zsu Zsu’s can fit you in a new chi-chi muumuu, chop-chop! Click below to listen, or download the MP3 here. You can also subscribe at iTunes, Pocket…

Continue Reading

Episode #19: “Ace in the Hole”

Rex is certain that Top Town businessman T.C. Montgomery has had a hand in the killings of Berndt Bork and Flying Fleming, and that he has lured Carlozo to the Plew Perfect Tents Factory on the far side of town. He heads there to stop more carnage, with nothing but a hard head and an old pistol that may or may not work. Brought to you by Spicken, the new canned meat treat. If you like Spam, you’ll LOVE Spicken! You can listen below, or direct download it by clicking here. You can also subscribe at iTunes, Pocket Casts or…

Continue Reading

Episode #20, “No Peekie”

  At the Plew Perfect Tents Factory, TC Montgomery finally reveals the dark incident in the past that fuels his vendetta against Reynaldo Carlozo, and drove him to kill Berndt Bork and Flying Fleming. And why is Boots Carlozo gagged and tied to a wheeled chair? It’s time for a little game of “Follow the Queen.” Brought to you by Okra-Dokies, the delicious frozen vegetable snack from “down Georgia way.” Click below to listen, or download the MP3 here. You can also subscribe to the podcast via iTunes, Pocket Casts or Stitcher.  

Continue Reading

An Excerpt from THE WET NOSE OF DANGER, Chapter 11, “A Fetching Little Number”

At a high-society fundraiser, in a garden behind the art museum:   With one eye on Schatzie, I edged nearer the bandstand, to soak in the melodies. I was careful to stay out of the musicians’ sight; even at functions like this, they sometimes have a habit of breaking into John Philip Sousa whenever they see a clown or any kind of kinker. They’re only human, after all. There’s nothing more pathetic, believe me, than hearing the string quartet version of “The Glory of the Yankee Navy.” As I tiptoed along the hydrangea bushes, I was suddenly grabbed from behind…

Continue Reading

An Excerpt from DOUBLE INDIGNITY, Chapter 3, “Law of the Jungle”

It was high time for a tall, cool one at the Banana Peel. This was the joeys’ watering hole in Top Town, the kind of place where they have to take you in, because a slapstick doesn’t work so well on yourself. The last time I’d been there, I’d caused a bar fight that Hal Roach would’ve thought was over the top. But it was nothing new. There were fights in there most every night. When the pies and seltzer start flying, it’s the only place to be. It wasn’t a dukey run over to the ‘Peel, so wearing a…

Continue Reading

An Excerpt from HONK HONK, MY DARLING, Chapter 3, “Shoot the Moon”

I turned down Adler Street, looking for Bork’s. I passed a grocery store, a closed mitt camp, a guess-your-weight booth, and a liquor store, then turned a bend and saw the silver barrel of a cannon hanging 15 feet over the sidewalk. Unless some admiral had dry-docked his battleship here, it looked like I’d found the Human Howitzer. A high plank fence surrounded the lot, but the door was unlocked, so I pushed my way in. The lot had that “lived-in” look, like an Army motor pool had lived in it for the better part of a decade. Metal drums…

Continue Reading